rubbing snow into themselves

so I pretty much hate myself right now. the stress of Christmas, which normally builds up slowly thru December, has hit me full-on right between the eyes today.

why the stress? presents. I have presents to buy and absolutely no idea what to get.

I know I said yesterday I couldn't be arsed to send any cards this year. that's coz I was thinking i could email ppl instead. after I posted that, I checked and found I only have email addys for about 2 of the ppl I normally send cards to. and of course they're not my elderly relatives. *sigh*

I could make a new years resolution to be better and not procrastinate so much, but there's no point - I can't change.


meanwhile back at the Berlin saunas...

the saunas in the hotel were on the top floor, about 1m away from the windows. you go to the sauna in your dressing gown, then take it off to reveal your nakedness, then go in thru the sauna door. thing is, there's no curtains, and maybe 30m away outside, there's an office which has no curtains either. you can guess where they've got their security cameras pointing! lol.

having had the sauna to myself on Friday, I thought I'd have another on Saturday. so after burning my bum in the solarium, there were like loads of towels hung up by the saunas and I wasn't brave enough to go in, or even take a look :(

about 20 mins later I went back. the towels were still there, but I psyched myself up and looked in the first one. it was empty! w00t! so I snuck in, thinking the second was occupied. after I'd been in there for like 10 mins, a couple of guys came along and I totally thought they'd come in with me, but they went into the second. as they went in, I could see from the reflection (nope - couldn't see their rudey bits) that their sauna was empty so fck knows who put the towels there. maybe it's like sunbeds in a Spanish resort. nuff said. lol

after 15 mins i got out for a cold shower - kinda anyway - didn't have a proper cold shower coz otherwise I'd have been shrieking like a girl lol. then I thought I'd have another few mins in the sauna but there were 3 females standing by the one I was in first of all, so I said they should have that one and I moved to the second where the 2 guys were :P

except they weren't. wtf? it was empty. then I saw them outside standing on the balcony, rubbing snow into themselves :S

so basically the sauna was nice but I have still to get totally naked in a sauna with other ppl. any volunteers? altho I was disappointed having plucked up courage I'm sure I'd have been *well* embarrassed.

thing is, right after getting out and having a quick shower, 10 mins later I was walking to the blue man group show in like -15C with only a hoodie on coz it was close.

and maybe *that* is why my cold thing has come back with a vengeance *sigh*. fail

in summary:


torchy! ...: clueless, useless and stressed out twat


ps. turns out i'd made a bit of a pigs ear of the order of my last few posts, so here they are in order. i'd hate to think that you might have missed any. lol

15 (dimpled)
16 (sauna sex)
17 (bums and boxer briefs and all)
18 (shopping for dildos)
19 (no pictures please)
20 (christmas cards? cba)

pps. when the (v pretty) young laydee was showing me how to work the solarium, i asked her if i was supposed to wear anything, and she goes 'no, nekkid' with this big grin. same as when i asked her what the dress code for the sauna was. and i just try not to react as if i'm just taking it all in my stride! lol




[>_<]

christmas cards? cba

i'm back from Berlin and had a good time. didn't get to do nearly as much stuff as i'd thought, mainly coz it was sooo cold. but yeah, i'm back home now and i'll post some of the pics when i get a chance if you're interested. actually it don't make no difference if you're interested or not! lol

i just found out that the last posting date for Christmas UK mail is tomoz. oops. guess who hasn't even written any Christmas cards yet, let alone sent any :S not sure i cba tbh. might try to email most this year.

this pic (under the wraps) is for all those ppl who made any form of contact with me when i was in Berlin, but especially Drew, @Borstal_Boy and Tyler, who all reached out to me (unknowingly lol) when i was feeling a bit down. thanks guys <3

torchy!



[>_<]

no pictures please

o-m-g it's sooo cold. was out and about sight-seeing dismorning and a sign said it was -10C. that was like midday. it's 10 hours later now and i've just come back from a wander round some markets and it must be about -15C now or something ridiculous.

it deffo takes the edge of my wanting to go and see stuff. i've still done and seen a few cool things tho.

ugh - i did something well loads cheesy dismorning - went to the checkpoint charlie museum and the guy manning the turnstiles was omg hot. i had my camera slung round my neck and as i went to the turnstile he was like 'no pictures please'. so i go 'can i take pictures in the museum'. he gave me a puzzled look and says 'no', so i said 'oh i'm sorry, i thought you meant no pictures of you' and he gave me this kinda exasperated look. lmao.

i've had a couple of saunas and my first ever go in a high-speed solarium (those weren't cool. lol). after the solarium i was having a shower and realised i kept scratching my ass cheeks. so i looked in the mirror (yup - my shower cubicle has a big mirror. lol) and realised my bum was looking sunburnt for probly the first time ever. it's a nekkid solarium :O)

went to see the Blue Man Group this evening. that was well cool, even tho i'd seen it in london a couple of years ago. had a seat in the middle block, row 3! so i had to wear a poncho thing, but i didn't get any gunk on me. managed to sneak a pic during the performance, but it's on the other camera.



take it easy guys

torchy!



[>_<]

shopping for dildos

omg this is a crazy place. i'm in a big department store, Kaufhof in Alexanderplatz and they've only got a department selling dildos! and you can even try them out!! :O :PP

at least I assume that's what this sign means. deffo looks like the guy has tried a few out successfully :P

although having said that, all I can see around here are clothes :S

oh well, I found some sparkly undies which are probably the only way I'm gonna get myself noticed in a changing room! lmao

they pretty much come with an action guarantee coz the label says 'get fun, get sex, get manstore'.

omg (again) there was a fckn hotboy in the restaurant at breakfast. jeez, he was the sex. his job seemed to be to neaten up the food and make it look attractive. maybe he was doing a good job. idk tho, coz I was too busily attracted by his face.

it's even colder today. not as much snow as back home tho. looks like I flew here on the right day. wonder if I'll have any probs getting back on Sunday.

attraction distraction... torchy!



[>_<]

bums and boxer briefs and all

so here I am in Berlin. it's cold. brrr.

I'm in a really smart modern hotel and I got an upgrade to a suite :D lucky torchy :) it's huge.

there's a gym and a sauna, so you can guess where I'll be heading in the morning. went to check it out this arvo when i checked in and the laydee at the spa reception was like 'no you can't go there unless you're in your dressing gown and slippers'. wtf?

not sure what the dress code is for the sauna, and I think it's mixed too, so it could be a bit yuck maybe. guess I wouldn't have a prob with getting a stiffy tho. lol.

after I flashed my torchy-smile the laydee said I could take a look in the gym. it's not very big, bit it's pretty well equipped for a hotel gym. the most striking thing tho is the wall art - large sepia canvases of guys in states of undress. bums and boxer briefs and all. yum. should take my mind off my running. lol. bang goes my stiffy - literally probably. lmao. I'll try to get sone pics to post. I'll have to sneak my iPhone in :P




Arkaden shopping mall


food of the gods. yummy



Brandenburger Tor


Sony Centre roof
bang goes my stiffy... torchy! (with any luck :P)



[>_<]

sauna sex

last Friday I didn't have any gym stuff with me and I'd left my swimming stuff on the train the night before (still haven't got it back yet. grrr) I didn't have anything better to do at lunchtime so I thought i'd go to the gym to use the sauna and steam room. I spose I just kinda like getting nekkid and sweaty. lol :P

so I get my kit off, wrap a towel round me and head for the sauna. it's only small, maybe 3m square, with two-tier benches on two sides in like an l-shape. I sat on one side and quite by chance *innocent look* I'm opposite the glass door. and as it happens I can purve at notice ppl walking past as they use the showers :P

tbh I've no idea what sauna/steamroom etiquette is, but I always say 'hi' to ppl if there's anyone there. I don't engage them in convo or anything, coz that'd be well weird - just a quick 'hi' and that's it.

when I sat down I'd adjusted my towel so it was like tucked in right at the side and a bit loose so I can sit down easily, coz otherwise it's well tight. and the top bit of the towel is kinda draped over my rudey bits in a half-hearted way. why worry too much coz no one ever comes in there.

after about 5 mins, some geezer does comes in :O so I go 'hi' and he like looks at my eyes with this steely look :O but he didn't reply. whatever. so I go back to looking thru the door but I'm kinda aware of him looking pretty directly at my crotch :O

he was about to sit on the bench adjacent to mine. i couldn't figure out if he'd just come from the shower or what, but before he sits down he kinda undoes his towel and straightens it out behind him, then adjusts it in a rather slow and deliberate way, exposing his rudey bits all the while. if I was that way inclined *cough* I'd have well noticed his cock and would be able to tell you it was yummy looking :P as for him, he was probly in his 40s maybe, but looking pretty fit, slim (ish) and smooth apart from a neatly trimmed short beard (yuk).

he sat down at right angles to me. I'm still staring thru the glass door gazing idly into space. and every now and again I catch him looking at me.

after a bit he did something well weird - he leant forward from his waist til his torso was horizontal, facing down. like as if he was stretching. he held that for about 20s and I'm thinking wtf is he doing? lol. then he slowly twists his neck to the left 90 degrees and held that for a bit. ok, so he's stretching his neck. but then, he turns his head thru 180 deg so he's looking toward me. and coincidentally, coz he's leaning forward, he's got a totally unrestricted view right up my towel at my rudeys. :P

omg I didn't know what to do, i guess a str8 guy would either not have noticed, or challenged him, or covered himself up. in a nod to gaynessness i didn't do any of those - I kinda stretched my hands behind my head and leant back a bit. lol. :P I was trying not to look at him, and not to move. and at the same time I was trying my hardest not to grin coz I thought it was well funny. I was back to thinking 'don't get a stiffy, don't get a stiffy' again! lmao.

anyways too late to cut a long story short, but after about 5 mins of kinda ignoring each other but sneaking each other glances :P i left and went into the steam room. *sigh*

so c'mon guys, help me out here. i think i've described it pretty accurately... was he hitting on me in some non-vocal way? how should i have responded? bearing in mind it's a clear glass door, if he'd wanted to get down and dirty with me and i'd been willing (big if) what's the likely scenario. i am totally clueless in these situations.

-----

in other news, i was packing for my Berlin trip tomoz, and looking for jeans. seems like all my jeans have shrunk recently :( either that or the tummy fairy has paid me a visit. lol. any fairy would do...


getting nekkid and sweaty... torchy! :P


ps. erm, the title is maybe a little misleading, but i reckon that if i wasn't such a clueless twat, and was a lot braver, and less inhibited, some action could have been on the cards :P




[>_<]

dimpled

went out this evening to the cinema to watch 2012 with my twitter pal borstal_boy. it was well good - loved the awesome special effects, although some of them stretched the imagination just a teeny tiny bit. it was a fun evening - i always enjoy my times with BB, he's a fun guy and is polite enough to laugh at my jokes. lol

so right now i'm having big trubs concentrating on writing this post as i'm in a skype convo with Tyler, Petey, Nic, Mark, Jason and Daniel. i really ought to post links to their blogs but i cba as it's 0150 and i'm shagged out. have to say this skype stuff is well loads of fun :D

erm, yeah well i was gonna write about my steamy sauna sex session last friday but i didn't finish it so i'll post it soon.

laterz
torchy!

ps. oh, apparently i've got a dimpled chin :S whatever. lol


don't forget to mouseover or click the pic


dedicated to the birthday boy - you know who you are :)

[>_<]

14

there's probly gonna be a bit of a gap with these advent pics, coz i'm off to Berlin on thursday for the weekend, back sunday. and coming back sunday is a massive stroke of luck coz BA go on strike on monday :S

was checking out some pics of the hotel earlier, it looks well posh :D

it's a good job most of my readers are in the states, coz they're the only ppl who are in the right day for the dates of these pics. lol


torchy!


don't forget to mouseover or click the pic


this is swimboy Shannon, of course, who has his very own blog

[>_<]

precum? anyone?

EDIT: the early comments were concentrating on the enormosity(?) of the dildo, but i really wanted ppl's thought on precum. so i've changed the title. thx. t!

a while ago I came across an xtube vid which had this guy sticking an *enormous* dildo up his arse. haha, my autocorrect just changed dildo to dislocate :) and the dildo he was using was deffo big enough to dislocate something. or even relocate something :O (having said enormous, i was in a shop on friday evening and thay had some well more enormouser :O)

I'm not gonna embed the vid but here's a link to one of his vids. there's a whole bunch of his vids in xtube, and they are well *hot* :P :P

what I find fascinating is the amount of cum/precum coming out of his dick as he's sliding up and down on the dildo :P his dildo is clearly hitting 'the spot'.

I don't do precum myself - idk why - but I guess not everyone does. so as I don't know much about it, I was wondering if the guy would leak as much if he was being fucked propr. any ideas? only I can't remember ever seeing a vid where the bottom is leaking o_O


just my curious mind... torchy!


ps. it's taken me fckn ages to finish this post coz i can only do one thing at a time and i'm on a skype chat :D

don't forget to mouseover or click the pic!


[>_<]

engineering chuckle time

Highly informative piece imparting essential advice and instruction on the use of everyday tools and equipment. The only omission being the most commonly used toolset in the car mechanics toolbox - the 32-piece hammer set !! Enjoy..........

Drill Press

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Wire Wheel

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

Skill Saw

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

Pliers

Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

Belt Sander

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

Hacksaw

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

Vise-Grips

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

Oxyacetylene Torch

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

Table Saw

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

Hydraulic Floor Jack

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

Band Saw

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

Two-Ton Engine Hoist

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

Phillips Screwdriver

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

Straight Screwdriver

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

Pry Bar

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

Hose Cutter

A tool used to make hoses too short.

Hammer

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

Utility Knife

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son Of A B*Tch Tool

Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs, just as your in-laws or any impressionable children walk through the door. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

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have a great weekend everyone

torchy!



[>_<]